A Lowbrow No Brow Moment (Don Ward)

By: Don Ward
By: Don Ward

I'll wax nostalgic about the worst thing I've ever been asked (forced) to do for my job.


I wrote a blog entry a few weeks back about how I came to have the intentionally messy hair style you see on the news.  A viewer asked and I answered.  Here it is...check it out....I'll wait.  http://www.kktv.com/blogs/blogwithdon/84533277.html

I mentioned in that piece that the image consultant and the stylist who made the haircut happen also made me do one other, horrible thing.

They made me get my eyebrows waxed! 

It hurts all over again just to mention it.  They assured me that it's "what all the guys are doing"  My response, "None of the guys I know are doing it," got me nowhere.  Again, I was instructed by the bosses at the time at Channel 2 in Denver to submit (agree) to whatever the sadist (stylist) insisted (suggested) that I do.

This operation is performed by an expert, a pro, someone called an esthetician.  It's from the Latin, Esthetus Inflicti Discomfortum, meaning one who inflicts ridiculous pain. (I made that up - so no angry comments from estheticians please) 

I've blocked out most of what happened for the sake of my own sanity, but here's some vague recollection of the procedure.  I'm already in a ritzy salon..so I already feel uncomfortable.  They've just chopped off most of my hair, so I already feel weird.  Then they took me into a separate room, some sort of a dungeon or something.  I thought, "Oh good, at least a little privacy for this part."  Turns out the separate room must be so the other clients can't hear a grown man screaming.

They slopped some warm, wet, goopy wax on my eyebrows and let it dry.  You know the rest, they put paper or something on it, then rip it off so that paper, wax, and eyebrows are all removed together.  OOWWWWWW!  It hurt so bad.  I don't know how women do it ..ok it's not childbirth, but men....don't ever let anyone talk you (force you) into doing this.

It gets worse.  The areas where I once had eyebrows were red and swollen for days.  I'm not too attached to my eyebrows in any way,  but I'd prefer that they are somehow attached to me.   All that was left - thin little lines of brow hair perched, barely visible, atop the red swollen, bald, brow ridges.  It looked terrible in several ways. 

I had been instructed to do whatever the image consultant ordered me to do ..but this is where I drew the line.  This is also where I had to draw in my own eyebrows.  There was nothing left, so for a couple of weeks I used an eyebrow pencil to draw them back in!   Never will I ever submit to that pointless torture again.  They do say beauty is pain, but I'll never be beautiful...so I'll skip the pain.  By the way, I think when they say that they're referring to something that actually makes you look better!

I read on line that the waxing gets more productive and less painful with repetition.  I'll have to take their word for it because I'm never going to repeat it!

We'll talk again soon.

Don Ward


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